Sunday, September 23, 2007
Flight over Australian Sky
The flight over the Australian sky was one of mixed feeling. It was filled with apprehension, anxiety, loneliness and sadness. That was the day that I left Ivy in Singapore. I felt sad for not being able to be with her. Most important, I felt sad for her not being with me…
I caught Rocky Balboa on the plane. That was the last Rocky film that will be ever made. It depicted Balboa’s life. In the film he said something which resounded like a bell from Nostredame. He said, “Life is not above making that big hit. It’s about taking the big hit and you get up after that to take another big hit and you get up again.” It reminded me of what I used to tell myself, “Success lies in the undying courage to fail”. I need to look at life again with a new vigour. The relentless winds of change had somehow taken away what I believed in, what I had to do and most importantly, where are my roots. I must not forget who I am. This is me and there are certain promises I made for myself that I need to fulfill.
My mind was strangely subtle during the flight. Filled for my longing for Ivy, I opened the wind screen to reveal a scene of brown and pure turquoise. The great land opened up into the embrace of the great ocean. I had the feeling that the land somehow refused to open itself up to the ocean. It wanted to keep a bit of its secrets but the embrace is eminent and needed.
Afar I saw strange pot holes covered with blue water. As the plane past, a larger pothole in the land revealed itself. It should be bigger than a football field. Within I saw colours of deep blue from the centre to light blue to the rim of circles. Such beauty that can only be admired from 3900 feet above the sky. I wondered if they were craters formed by comets hurtled onto Earth million of years ago. Now I found myelf hurtling towards the unknown future. Will I leave a foot print in this brown land when I leave?
The plane started to descend and the contours of the land started to be clearer. Roads, bushes, houses, cars all came into view. This is the place that I will reside for now. And I will make sure that this will be an interesting chapter in the story of my life.
Alright. Time to sleep. Tomorrow will be my birthday. Happy birthday to myself. This will not be a lonely birthday because I have Ivy in my mind…
(Written on 16th March 2007)
I caught Rocky Balboa on the plane. That was the last Rocky film that will be ever made. It depicted Balboa’s life. In the film he said something which resounded like a bell from Nostredame. He said, “Life is not above making that big hit. It’s about taking the big hit and you get up after that to take another big hit and you get up again.” It reminded me of what I used to tell myself, “Success lies in the undying courage to fail”. I need to look at life again with a new vigour. The relentless winds of change had somehow taken away what I believed in, what I had to do and most importantly, where are my roots. I must not forget who I am. This is me and there are certain promises I made for myself that I need to fulfill.
My mind was strangely subtle during the flight. Filled for my longing for Ivy, I opened the wind screen to reveal a scene of brown and pure turquoise. The great land opened up into the embrace of the great ocean. I had the feeling that the land somehow refused to open itself up to the ocean. It wanted to keep a bit of its secrets but the embrace is eminent and needed.
Afar I saw strange pot holes covered with blue water. As the plane past, a larger pothole in the land revealed itself. It should be bigger than a football field. Within I saw colours of deep blue from the centre to light blue to the rim of circles. Such beauty that can only be admired from 3900 feet above the sky. I wondered if they were craters formed by comets hurtled onto Earth million of years ago. Now I found myelf hurtling towards the unknown future. Will I leave a foot print in this brown land when I leave?
The plane started to descend and the contours of the land started to be clearer. Roads, bushes, houses, cars all came into view. This is the place that I will reside for now. And I will make sure that this will be an interesting chapter in the story of my life.
Alright. Time to sleep. Tomorrow will be my birthday. Happy birthday to myself. This will not be a lonely birthday because I have Ivy in my mind…
(Written on 16th March 2007)
Goodbye
I hate goodbyes, along with many other things...
After you had a wonderful night, you said goodbyes to those who were responsible for it. After you broke into a good pair of shoes, you have to bid them goodbye a few months later. After you discovered that the kid who sat beside you in primary school was not just a mucus producing machine but was actually kind of cool, you had to bid him goodbye for secondary school.
Goodbyes before I left for Australia were about knowing who really cared and who really did not give a cahoot about me. I received messages with well wishes from people who I thought were basically scums on the floor. I promoted them to "The Higher Order". There were many already in "The Higher Order" did not even give a wink about me when I requested for their emails through a sms so as to keep in touch wih them during the time in Australia. I was disappointed but I thought at least their friendship was worth a single sms.
Goodbyes were sad because I had to leave my home and my family. My family. They are not perfect but they are still my family.
Goodbyes were sad because I could not keep Ivy company after I left. I could not be there physically for her when she's sick or when she's down during this period. I could not share her happiness and go out with her after I left.
Goodbyes were particularly sad on 16th March 2007 when I hugged Ivy and walked into the customs at the airport to catch my plane to Australia. That goodbye brought down my world but enforced the fact that I must not fail and forget my roots.
I hate goodbyes.
23rd Sept 2007
After you had a wonderful night, you said goodbyes to those who were responsible for it. After you broke into a good pair of shoes, you have to bid them goodbye a few months later. After you discovered that the kid who sat beside you in primary school was not just a mucus producing machine but was actually kind of cool, you had to bid him goodbye for secondary school.
Goodbyes before I left for Australia were about knowing who really cared and who really did not give a cahoot about me. I received messages with well wishes from people who I thought were basically scums on the floor. I promoted them to "The Higher Order". There were many already in "The Higher Order" did not even give a wink about me when I requested for their emails through a sms so as to keep in touch wih them during the time in Australia. I was disappointed but I thought at least their friendship was worth a single sms.
Goodbyes were sad because I had to leave my home and my family. My family. They are not perfect but they are still my family.
Goodbyes were sad because I could not keep Ivy company after I left. I could not be there physically for her when she's sick or when she's down during this period. I could not share her happiness and go out with her after I left.
Goodbyes were particularly sad on 16th March 2007 when I hugged Ivy and walked into the customs at the airport to catch my plane to Australia. That goodbye brought down my world but enforced the fact that I must not fail and forget my roots.
I hate goodbyes.
23rd Sept 2007
Preparation
Preparation was scary. The whole operation loomed like the evil Cat in the Hat by Dr. Suess. He's always prancing, smiling, laughing and looking at me in his evil eyes while I fought, kick and struggled to pack the 31 years of my life for Australia against the flow of time.
The entire preparation stage was filled with anxiety and apprehensions. Packing my personal affects wasn't difficult at all. I did that in 2 hours because I did not have much to begin with. It was the very idea that once all the preparation was done, it's time to leave my family and Ivy. The emotional package was the most difficult to pack. However the wheels of motion had started rolling and all I had to do was to grap hold of it while not being trampled by it.
A gamut of thoughts ran through me like a slow acting poison. What holds for me when I went over? What will happen to my way of life (no football and basketball!)? What will happen to Ivy and me? Since I have no experience in the construction site, what happen if I failed? What will I eat since I can't cook?
It's not easy to deal with the unknowns and it would be easier to stay in the comfort zone so as to take those unknowns out of the equation. That would be too easy for me and I would and will never allow that. I guess it is about looking back at all these and remember how I got through it all. I guess I need and want success and doing it in my own way. I just have to put my trust and try my very best to hold on to all those that holds true to me and I must not forget my roots. I continued packing in; physically, metaphysically and emotionally.
23rd Sept 2007
The entire preparation stage was filled with anxiety and apprehensions. Packing my personal affects wasn't difficult at all. I did that in 2 hours because I did not have much to begin with. It was the very idea that once all the preparation was done, it's time to leave my family and Ivy. The emotional package was the most difficult to pack. However the wheels of motion had started rolling and all I had to do was to grap hold of it while not being trampled by it.
A gamut of thoughts ran through me like a slow acting poison. What holds for me when I went over? What will happen to my way of life (no football and basketball!)? What will happen to Ivy and me? Since I have no experience in the construction site, what happen if I failed? What will I eat since I can't cook?
It's not easy to deal with the unknowns and it would be easier to stay in the comfort zone so as to take those unknowns out of the equation. That would be too easy for me and I would and will never allow that. I guess it is about looking back at all these and remember how I got through it all. I guess I need and want success and doing it in my own way. I just have to put my trust and try my very best to hold on to all those that holds true to me and I must not forget my roots. I continued packing in; physically, metaphysically and emotionally.
23rd Sept 2007
